


Pushing Risks

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-11
Updated: 2007-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:39:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8699389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: That old story where the two brothers really just need to grow some balls and tell eachother their feelings. Dean is scared of completely ruining any remaining chance Sam has of a normal life, on the other hand, he can't live without his baby brother.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: Just a cute little thing i scribbled down instead of listening to my maths teacher *shrug*. I hope its not too boring, i didnt want to drag it out too long. Hope i did everything right! Comments PLEASE (tell me how terrible or ok i am :P)  


* * *

They were heading towards another heated argument. “Well maybe it’s just another prank job in an attempt to get us killed’ Sam held up the phone with another line of texted co-ordinates like the ones that had tipped them off about the asylum haunting. He dropped his arms and huffed as he spun around giving Dean his hunched back. 

 

‘Sam” Dean’s low warning growl tickled Sam’s ear. It told Sam not to push his luck. Not to push dean any closer to the brink of explosion, where he would reign down harsh words that would snap like a mouse trap around Sam’s chest. 

 

Dean didn’t like yelling at his younger brother. He hated watching Sam flinch under his verbal assaults, the way Sam’s eyes glared at the floor and his jaw clenched shut. But Sam wouldn’t believe that Dean only said those things in that awful tone because he loved Sam and worried about him so much. 

 

So they stood there in silence, Dean with his lips next to Sam’s ear, chest pressed up against Sam’s smooth back, eyes frozen to the dull screen over his taller brother’s shoulder. After what seemed like hours, Dean lifted an arm around Sam’s lithe frame and gently took Sam’s hand, still loosely holding he phone, in his own he brought the hand holding the phone higher as if pretending to get a better look at the numerical digits on the screen and instinctively smoothed his thumb over the back of Sam’s hand. “Come on man, we should at least check it out,” he said, a lot more gently and softer then he wanted it to sound. He wanted it to sound more like ‘we’re superheroes, what have we got to loose’. In a way, it was a good thing. After studying medical science and human biology so long, Sam was well aware of the fact that he and his brother, as invincible as Dean seemed, were mortal. And Dean was aware that Sam was aware of this fact. It would have probably started another succession of snaps and snarls from the both of them. 

 

However the soft almost caring tone and suggesting of a caress to his hand by Dean made Sam frown. He glanced at Dean’s hand still holding his. Experimentally, he silently dropped the phone onto the bed and waited to see if Dean let go of his hand. Dean pretended not to notice and after several seconds cleared his throat and looked expectantly up at the back of Sam’s head. Sam’s heart started to beat faster as he closed his hand around Dean’s fingers that were still loosely cupped on the back of his hand. 

 

“I don’t know Dean.” Sam lied, knowing damn well he’d follow Dean to the end of the earth if he had to. Just as he vowed the night Jessica was engulfed by the flames. That it was a sign for him and Dean to stick together, that he should of never left like that and ran away to a normal life. That he already knew he wasn’t normal and could never be. But now Sam understood, if being abnormal meant being by Dean’s side for the rest of his natural or supernatural life, then so be it. And Sam was only lying in that very instant because he was stalling. He wanted his older, stronger brother to keep holding his hand. He wanted Dean to wrap his other arm around Sam’s thin waist. He wanted Dean’s lips, that were still inches from his ear, to kiss his neck to whisper soft reassurances about how he felt the same way and would never let Sam go. 

 

Dean sighed and reluctantly let Sam’s hand free of his soft grip. Sam frowned and whirled around facing Dean, well looking down at Dean with questioning frustrated eyes. Dean was taken aback by the foreign expression on Sam’s face, worried he’d taken it to far this time. 

 

Throughout their child hood and adolescent years, Dean would always slip in a casual slap or pinch that was meant to be in jest or play, even though Dean knew it was so much more. Sam would always wave it off with a laugh and a playful punch or ‘you’re a jerk’. The amount of times they’d exaggerated the smallest arguments for the excuse to start pushing and shoving and wrestling and very sly gropes when absolutely certain they could get away with it. The countless victories to Dean who would straddle Sam’s chest or crotch or rear and hold Sam’s long arms tightly above his head or across his back depending which way he had beaten his younger brother. And the way Sam fought back les forcefully each time the way that he eventually gave the weakest little wiggles and phony frustrated moans to ensure Dean’s mounting would come quicker. And last but not least, the intense gaze they’d share when Dean would lean over to Sam’s ear and mock whisper, ‘I win’ with that devilish smirk that made Sam want to break out of his brother’s strong grip and push him to the floor and devour those full lips that kept him so entranced. But time after time, they’d frown as the other got tired of waiting for something more intimate to occur and would pull away or get up. 

 

But this time, unlike any other time before, Dean had stroked Sam’s hand in a genuinely caring way, an unbrotherly caring way. It was like soft whisper that promised unbrotherly love. As Sam stared at Dean with those begging eyes, Dean’s heart ached for his baby brother as he stared back in the most confused and searching for some kind of hint as to what he should be thinking way. A look that suggested no return of Sam’s affections, a look that said ‘we were kids, they have fights, it was nothing.’ And a look that said in perfect sync with the lips that Sam fantasized over, ‘Sam, why are you looking at me like that?’

 

Dean watched his brother’s very soul shatter into a million pieces, he watched Sam’s eyes clench shut, trying to block out the look on Dean’s face that had crushed his entire being. *It can NEVER be like that. Sam’s my brother. As much as I want him, I can’t further warp him. I can’t fuck up the one normal aspect of his life.* Dean tried to convince himself.

 

Sam finally sighed, ‘I was just thinking, if we get there before 4’o clock, I could meet up with a old friend of mine. An ex I keep in contact with. I wonder if she’ll recognize me, it’s been ages’ he said with an emotionless tone that suggested he was failing terribly at lying. Every time Sam was trying to prove his heterosexuality, he would bring up an ‘ex’ or old acquaintance he almost got with, even though Jessica was the only girl he’d ever had any sexual relations with and that took all his will power to grow used to. 

 

“Fine Sam, if we leave now, we should get there in plenty of time’ Dean sighed, seeing right through the façade. Wondering if Sam even knew why he had to reject him like that, if Sam even tried to put himself in Dean’s lead shoes. 

 

Surely enough, during the drive there, Sam made every excuse in the book twice to ensure they wouldn’t reach their destination by 4. He even mentally cursed himself on making it so late in the afternoon. “I have to use the bathroom”

“AGAIN?” Dean almost screeched. It had come down to every 20minutes, “stop drinking so damn much!’

“I was thirsty Dean, we need to find a petrol station or restaurant or something” Sam said defensively

“Oh come on! Be a man and use a fricken tree or bush Sam!”

“That’s unhygienic!” Sam snapped

“Those seedy bathrooms are worse then taking a leak against a tree dumbass!” Dean rolled his eyes dramatically “for the love of god, you’re the one that’s done all that medical crap. You should know that”

Sam’s eyes widened *SHIT!* he cursed himself.

“Sam, what’s this really about? I thought you wanted to be there by 4 so you could meet up with that girl?” Dean amused himself and hid the smile. Sam just glared and looked out the window.

 

“There is no girl…” Sam said 10 minutes down the road. 

“Huh?” Dean acted uninterested

“There is no ex, no girl, no 4 o’clock. There never is” Sam replied quietly

“Well that part was obvious, except for the 4’o clock seeing it will be in an hour and a half” Dean grinned knowing Sam would roll his eyes at the lame joke. 

Instead Sam looked at his hands that were clasped in his lap, “You’re not angry then?”

“Naaah, why should I be?” Dean chuckled, “you’d never introduce me to girl unless you wanted me to steal her right in front of you” Dean smirked and grabbed at Sam’s side to make him laugh. When Sam remained silent and unaffected by the harsh attempt of a tickle, Dean grew a little worried. He pulled over along the long strip of dessert road and turned the key to off. “Alright Sammy, what’s this all about?” even though he knew the answer. 

 

Sam took a deep sigh, “I can’t explain it Dean. I just…I can’t talk about it at the moment.”

Dean glared at Sam’s secrecy behavior, “since when have you ever kept anything from me?” he began to grow a little more then peeved. 

Sam frowned and replied “look, just like I know you keep secrets from me, I have to keep my own secrets to myself! For god sake Dean, I need some privacy!”

Dean took a brief moment to look dramatically offended, knowing their was potential for a rumble, then leaned into Sam’s face and snarled, “Fine, you want privacy? Deal”

Sam’s eyes widened at Dean’s serious and fierce face. He didn’t know how to react so he just sat in silence, waiting for Dean to laugh it off or to say, ‘just kidding man’ and give him a play punch. Instead Dean unclicked his seatbelt and then Sam’s. He leaned over Sam brushing chest against chest as much as possible while he opened Sam’s door and jerked his chin in that direction, “there you go, privacy. As much as you can imagine and more”

“Dean, you can’t be serious?” Sam looked at him with unintentional puppy dog eyes

“Out” Dean stated simply.

“Dean, please come on, I’m sorry”

“Oooouuuut!” Dean said a little louder

“Come on Dean!” Sam pleaded

“Out, there’s your privacy. You want to keep secrets from me, fine. But I never kept any from you. Now, get OUT!” 

“You... you didn’t? Not ever?” Sam asked genuinely shocked.

Dean pulled his knees under him and pushed at Sam’s chest, “Out, get out of my car!” Sam tried to fight back, but Dean all too typically, shoved him out onto his ass and the dirt, lunging out of the car and onto his lap, “well? Happy now? I’ll just leave you and your privacy out here till the vultures come interrupt!” Dean said in-between half hearted shoves and pushes. Soon enough they were rolling around in the dirt, legs intertwining. Dean hooked an arm under Sam’s knee and pulled in to the side so he couldn’t continue to knee Dean. Dean pressed his full weight down on top on Sam’s upper legs and lower torso to prevent Sam legs kicking him. Panting heavily they stared each other down, Dean having the more intimidating glare of course. 

“Alright then, I give! Sam snapped suddenly, “you want to know the secret I can’t tell you?”

“YES!” Dean shouted back

Sam angrily thrusted his crotch against Dean’s and his big brother’s eyes widened at the hardness he found there, “See? I’m crazy, there’s something wrong and disgusting with me!” 

Dean couldn’t remember how long he had been waiting for his Sam to admit that he was in love with Dean, but a little differently to that. Differently to the angry disgusted way Sam had just spat the words at him.

“Why are you crazy?” Dean asked Sam quietly, “feel that? I’m just as sick and crazy and disgusting as you baby bro and you know what? I’m not one bit ashamed of it.” 

“But Dean, this is abnormal, we’re brothers! We can’t both be feeling this kind of thing for each other!” Sam’s eyes were stinging from the tears he was trying to hold back. He was in emotional hysterics. 

Dean wrapped his hand around the back of Sam’s neck and yanked him at face level, nose to nose “I don’t care what your precious idea of normal is Sam, this is who I am and what I am. This is who you are! Are you going to keep on pretending that there’s nothing important between us? Because I can’t!” 

Sam couldn’t hold it in any longer. A heart wrenching sob tore from his throat and his lips trembled painfully trying to keep in any more that were threatening to break free. Dean frowned down in sympathy of his little brother. Realizing how long Sam tried to spend hiding his true nature from the world. Realizing that he was doing more harm then good pretending he didn’t care for Sam in the same way Sam cared for him. With his hand still cupped around Sam’s neck, he gently pulled the sobbing boy into the arch of his curved chest, pulling Sam closer with his other arm around Sam’s lower back. “Hey, calm down” he tried to gently calm the younger boy by stroking his hair and rubbing his back until the loud sobbing subsided. “Your alright Sam, I don’t think your crazy or gross, ok? I …I lo…” Dean took a frustrated breath thinking of a way for the words ‘I love you’ to sound natural coming from him. The big strong soldier Sam looked up to and respected. He gave up and went back to pulling Sam into his lap, stroking the sides of Sam’s face with his thumb. When Sam eventually finished the last of his sniffles, that were muffled in Dean’s shirt he looked up at Dean who was still stroking and rubbing in soothing motions with his eyes set off into the beginnings of the sun set. “Dean, I’m sorry about the shouting thing before” he tried to shrug in the older man’s arms. Dean looked down at his little brother, his long lanky form bunched up in Dean’s arms and he laughed “You can make it up to me later” he picked a pebble out of Sam’s hair before leaning over and kissing his temple. Not too soft, just a rough brush of the lips that Sam had dreamt about so often. Reaching up and cupping the side of Dean’s face, Sam titled his head and finally kissed those very lips. “ I love you jerk” he smiled softly.

“Yea, me too” Dean sighed then cleared his throat, motioning to stand up.

 

They headed back to the Impala covered in desert dust, dry weeds and sand. With a serious eyebrow raised in Sam’s direction Dean said. “Oh and Sam, I might love you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t kill you if you don’t wipe that dirt off your ass before your get into my car.”


End file.
